You add nothing to the conversation but name-calling. it comes across really condescending and I think it makes people take your reasoning less seriously. Make sure to order my books Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books June 2011; $15); Hiding In Hip Hop(Atria Books June 2008); and Straight From Your Gay Best Friend The Straight Up Truth About Relationships, Love, And Having A Fabulous Life (Agate/Bolden Books November 2010; $15). Dear Bossip: We Broke Up And He Got Another Woman Pregnant Step back and take a look at what you have told us. Quit trying to dig into other peoples wallets to subsidize your lifestyle choices. Courts are loath to do anything but joint custody unless one of the parents is an absolute idiot. Relax. And good for you limiting your preconceived notions to the entire female gender instead. I think hes scum because 1.- he asked the other woman to have an abortion and 2.- now hes mad that she didnt. Scummy is the wrong word to use. Consider that this child should be the most important thing in his life, more important than you. I said there and I think it bears repeating here: you have no right to assume the woman you are having sex with has the same views on abortion as you. 3. You know as well as I do that the law is gender biased in effect in not in letter. In my opinion, even if the baby turns out to not be his, hes already shown his true colors; and theyre pretty yellow. Im not disagreeing with your assessment at all, however, I have to question you on thisdo you really believe that if it were possible to two men or two women to get pregnant that they never would and things like this would never happen just because they were heterosexual? I have nothing against casual sex or sex without a relationship, but you should still have some sort of base level of respect for the people you are banging. My Ex Had A Baby With Someone Else And Wants Me Back You have no say whatsoever in this situation. My ex got another girl pregnant right after we broke up Even SCOTUS pointed that out. Have you ever been in a fling for a good amount of time -- maybe even half a year . )boyfriend who got the woman pregnant. It is legal. But I just don't know anymore. But I believe theres a definite difference. Oh I definitely agree, a laid back scenario is no more absurd, it really depends on how people take what he is saying. Sounds like he is 40 and stupid and she is a user and tramp, based on what your story says. Consider that this man is 40 years old, but still immature. WTF!!! Rather than holding him responsible, you have focused on the other women. Im not sure why you think this woman is trying to trap your boyfriend unless there are other details you didnt provide. After a breakup, Bird said, some people just need "an emotional cutoff and want to remove all evidence of their ex from their life.". Absolutely, positively, 100% wrong. Youre reading waaaayyyy too much into what I said. Who then supports the child that the man made? He can have an opinion about her but its absurd to be mad at her because they created a baby. Where do stand on the fact that when a pregnancy occurs its only the woman who has to go through either an abortion or childbirth and the man never does either? The vast majority of parents who have at least a rough acknowledgement of their paternity/maternity have joint custody even if the guys a deadbeat. And throwing money at her only covers one part of that. I cant see how anyone would be upset with a man who agrees with that statement and concludes that he has every right to walk away from the whole situation. she's a real bitch. Either_Coconut 3 mo. Guys definitely think about their ex sexually. Im not exactly sure that the one million people currently estimated to be living in the U.S. would agree with you, but I am fairly certain the 500,000 dead definitely wouldnt. Whatever the case, youre not adding to the discussion. Nevertheless, if you choose to sleep with a guy that you are not in a relationship with or have only known for two months, without doubling up on the protection, and get pregnant and decide to keep the babyThen I think you should be aware that a situation like this may happen. Second, after all this talk of how disgusting he was for supposedly not using a condom, not knowing her all that long, etc., why no talk about this woman doing the exact same thing (number it takes to tango = 2) and having to deal with the consequences? In this situation, there would be no contest of custody or support. He cant be irresponsible and fail to take every reasonable effort to avoid pregnancy (doubling up on BC and using condoms, getting a vasectomy, or only having sex with women he knows beyond a shadow of a doubt also do not want to bring children into the world), and then act surprised and angry when it happens anyways. April 12, 2012, 2:41 am. Yeah, I believe that means he must be., I believe the definition of an immature asshole is a 40-year-old man who wont own up to his responsibility to be a father to the baby he had equal part in creating.. If youre going to be all bent out of shape if the stranger youre sleeping with has your baby then Id ask for a hand job instead. lets_be_honest Move on. submandave This dude barebacked some girl, knocked her up, demanded she abort, and then said he wouldnt take responsibility for his child. In fact, it may not even be anger you feel, but hurt or you feel threatened by this pregnancy. But really, no one knows his true reaction. Ever. Homosexual couples dont HAVE to adopt. Because the bf in question was part of the creation of the child. Beyond that, no one really cares that he jumped in bed with another woman right after they broke up only to decide that he cant live without her after getting said woman pregnant. lets_be_honest He doesnt want anything to do with her? April 10, 2012, 7:35 pm. I think whatever scorn youre heaping onto this woman you should deal evenly to your boyfriend. And whether you believe its a child at conception or not, its a scientific fact that conception is what, at the very least, leads to life. April 10, 2012, 9:06 pm. April 9, 2012, 8:29 pm. 4. My boyfriend got a girl pregnant during a breakup. What should - Quora Plus Ive noticed that the more calm and rational you keep your comment, the less likely the truly crazies ones are to even respond to you at all. We have no guarantee that the mother will be as good a single parent as those mentioned in this discussion. Its fucking unfair. Aim for the face. If they dont want to be taken, then they should think before they poke. Susie is on birth control but they still discuss what names their eventual children will have. She looked enough to bang, though, huh? It is my argument that only an ass would be furious at anyone other than himself when he becomes obligated to provide for a child that he created. You mean, a man shouldnt be able to decide to throw money at his child, but never once be involved whatsoever in the childs life? Merely that it is an immense expense for the man for a situation that he didnt want a situation which, as I said, the woman is never forced to endure. Theyre eating each other alive, and theyre doing it up hill both ways, in three feet of snow, with no shoes on! when i was single i acted as if the other people i was involved with werent thinking about it. theQuietOne . Since you obviously cant formulate a cogent argument on the merit of these laws in response to my questions (as it doesnt interest you), I wonder why you keep going out of your way to engage this conversation. We started dateing again and have been for about 3 months and we have plans to save money and get an apartment. She isnt the one you should be taking issue with. She doesnt have to listen to him, but the concern at least needs to be addressed. Wanting nothing to do with his child, which like it or not seems to be coming, is not acceptable- and a mature girlfriend would help him to see that these are the cards hes been dealt, and that he now has to work with them. And as a grown adult; as a person whos lived 40 years and should have acquired a sense of decency and maturity; you should own up to the consequences of your actions. Shortly afterward we learned that he got the other woman pregnant. iseeshiny Men get to abandon freely and pay no child support if they dont want anything to do with the kid? Thanks for the clarification. Ive heard of stuff like this from friends of mine, where theyve been in relationships and their BF finds out his ex got pregnant and blah blah blah so take it as you will, I guess. Is he supposed to just bend over and let her decide how his life is going to go, until the day he dies, just because they had sex once? And I tend to agree that with certain situations, men end up with the raw end of the deal. But even though I led you to think I didnt want to become pregnant, Im going to keep the baby and thereby obligate you to two decades of child support, is, while totally within her rights, still a massive breach of the pre-coital understanding, express and implied, between the parties. Regardless, I again find a double standard in saying he must be scum to not want to be in the childs life but that opting to give a child up for adoption is a perfectly viable choice for a woman. I dont think hes a bad guy for having sex with this other woman, and it was his decision to not use a condom. 13 Honest Reasons Guys Think About Their Ex After A Breakup - YourTango Flexxie lets_be_honest April 10, 2012, 9:34 am. He delivered, at her request, one-half of a set of DNA blueprints. Your argument that consenting adults should never have sex unless theyre prepared to become parents neglects the fact that not only do we have the means to significantly reduce the risk of pregnancy, we have extremely safe ways of terminating pregnancies, especially very early on. His utter failure to own up to his actions is appalling. I don't know my place anymore because he doesn't want to tell her we're back together. And you dont sound much better. let us know if he had). But, it would have reduced the chances. Rachel, I have a child in the same situation. For what its worth, Im a married guy and a father. You see being nurturing as a weakness. I think difference is ensuring that the child is cared for. She goes to a restaurant and orders a meal that doesnt explicitly say that it has peanuts in it, but the restaurant has several other dishes that have peanuts in it. Or so so many of you all keep saying. I just feel that they are, at times, the least bad solution. Actually no. Tough shit. We were together for 2 1/2 years, lived together, got a dog together, talked about mar. The fact that you just knew your boyfriend got another girl pregnant before you start dating him shows that both of you is lacking a good communication way. and our Ask Dr. Sherry: 'My Fianc Got Another Woman Pregnant, Now - Essence Oh, may be you should marry him and fantasize what kind of fun he is having whenever hes late coming home, or fearful he would leave you when you, like that woman, passed 40; or be told to get rid of your baby who is inconvenient to him. Except I acknowledged that was guesswork on my part. 50 percent of babies are unplanned, and that includes married couples using contraception.